thinking...

I am thinking HARD right now!

Right now, I have too much to do.
Right now, I have too much on my mind.
Right now, I feel alone.
Right now, I feel suffocated.

I'm in a weird place at the moment. My mental state is content, but not extremely happy. The time that I get to spend with special people in my life seems to always go by quickly and then end abruptly. I have a lot of thinking to do, about my life as it is now, and about my life in the near and far future.

Where do I want to live and stake my "home"?
This question is quite difficult to answer simply because I've yet to see enough of the world. If and when I do give myself time and opportunity to travel, yet again, whose to say I won't end up living there? I'm open to it. On the flipside, my heart is still in San Diego. I love my city and I love the people there. My roots and my stability exist there, and for that reason, it's always a possibility as well. The third place exists elsewhere, but in California. What can I say? I'm a true Cali girl, it's scary to think to live somewhere else, and at the same time KNOW that you can find all that you need is this great state. Anywhere from the sensitive, yet vibrant, city of San Francisco, all the way south to the rich and young city of Daygo... I need help.

What do I want to seriously pursue as a career?
I love teaching and I enjoy having the opportunity to be amongst people: colleagues, children and everyone else in between. I know I want to continue to be within the field of Education, but I'm not sure in what capacity. Do I want to be in the thick of it and continue to teach the children? Do I take on a more administrative role and lead a school? Who knows...

What kind of family life do I want? and WHEN?!
Hahhahhaa... this is funny to me because I feel like I constantly place my wishes upon Bert, but I'm not even sure what I want! I want kids, but how many? I want kids, but when? I still feel like a kid... sometimes. I want to eventually marry the love of my life and do all of these things, when will I know it's the right time?

Los Angeles creates these moments for me because I'm so close and yet so far from my reality. I think I've subconsciously made the decision to create my own reality here... in the city of angels...

I love to love to love.